Just realized that I didn't even post an update on why my blog is...the way it is now. Some of you remember as Ronin, which is probably a good thing that I put that sobriquet to rest because whoooooooooaaaaaaaa orientalism or whatever, and some of you know me by my deadname.
Uh I'm trans now.
And a dyke, which is embarrassingly obvious from really really awful yearning posts I write about my crush and just being extremely cringe.
Not like anyone is reading this blog anyway. Haven't updated anything in ages. I'm not taking down my reviews, I'm leaving them up because...fuck it, I don't know, read em and have a laugh I guess.
You can see that there's a big gap between my post from................2019? And this year for obvious reasons. I'm just gonna do what every tranny does and repurpose something into their dream journal or whatever cringe thing it's called nowadays.
I've written way more this year than any other year, how depressing is that. I was supposed to review every movie I saw in theaters but that shit's fuckin' hard to do, believe it or not. Also I'm not a good critic anyway.
So like, since I'm getting into the nitty gritty details of how all of this started, I guess I should talk about my massive massive dysphoria that's been plaguing me since middle school. Like I never really had a desire to be a girl girl, just knew that something was wrong. I figured if I go the extreme route of being MANLY MAN, it'd go away.
Well, to the trannies reading this and knowing exactly where this is going, you're not getting a gold star for guessing right.
And to the crybabies who have an issue with my saying tranny this or tranny that, fuck you, I'm a tranny and I got the right to say that shit. Go cry about it on tumblr or twitter and watch that She-Ra netflix. Not here to hold your fucking hand. Nobody sure as fuck did for me so deal with it.
Anyway, long story short, the pandemic fucked up my life, unsurprisingly. Fucked up everyone's lives. Not special here. Lost a buncha friends. Family life crumbled. Blah blah, another boring sob story. Had a crush on a girl, who's also trans, and she's like a dyke and I'm like fuck, I have a crush on you but you don't like men.
Guess I'm shit out of luck.
No chance in hell for me.
God I wish I were a girl.
I should be a girl.
I'm a girl.
Boom. That's. That's literally how it happened. The fucking lid flew off and all my repressed shit just spilled out and I immediately ran to the bathroom to shave the fucking mountain man beard I had on my face because I needed it off right now.
I don't have a crush on her anymore but I'm. I want to say friends but I think good acquaintances is a nice way of putting it. Thankful to her for helping me realize myself.
Cool that I gotta deal with all of the bullshit that trans women deal with on a daily basis now.
Made a bunch of new friends and like I'm feeling better but also not. Still haven't started my transition yet. Still haven't come out to my family yet, which is going to be a fucking disaster when that happens.
I'm stuck.
And I hate being stuck. Hate this static shit, man. It fuckin' blows.
I'm getting really tired of it.
Fun fact, did you know that if you try to even slightly mess around with gender norms just a bit, like growing your hair out, people will give you shit for it? I know, shocker, right?
Shocker is a good movie. Underrated Wes Craven joint.
What.
I still like movies. Just because I'm a tranny now doesn't change the fact that I'm gonna talk about movies.
I'll talk about them infrequently, yeah, but I'm thinking of getting this blog back up and running again.
So uh I dunno. Don't be transphobic, I guess, if you're cis. I mean, like don't be fucking irritating or whatever, man. I'm pretty chill for the most part or at least I like to think I am so like don't try to get on my bad side and shit.
So yeah, that's the update.
k
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